


Shattering illusions

by LittleLuxxie



Series: A song of Conquest and Fate [5]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, F/M, Falling In Love, Pre-Relationship, Pseudo-Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-07
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22599322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLuxxie/pseuds/LittleLuxxie
Summary: When Xander realizes that Yumi isn't a child anymore, and why he's craving her company all the time, the shame threatens to consume him.When Yumi learns she isn't related by blood to Xander it's like a weight is lifted off her chest.
Relationships: Marx | Xander/Female My Unit | Kamui | Corrin, Marx | Xander/My Unit | Kamui | Corrin
Series: A song of Conquest and Fate [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1040621
Kudos: 14





	1. Xander

Xander was 23 years old when every illusion he had about his little sister fractured before his eyes like broken glass. It was a very physical experience, he could almost hear the shards shattering to the ground, imagine being covered in glass splinters. It would explain the crippling shot of pain that went through his whole body.

The week before had been a bad one. A horrible one actually. He’d been sent on a mission with a small force to quell a rebellion in the south, and everything had gone wrong from the beginning. What might have been solved with minimal violence turned into a bloodbath he wouldn’t soon forget. Panting he stood amongst the dead bodies, watching his soldiers rounding up the remaining rebels. Those whose fighting spirit had left them in the face of the power from the royal army, and they surrendered without much fuss.

Xander was just catching his breath and formulating a course of action when a most unwelcome surprise appeared. Iago came with orders to execute every last member of the rebellion. “Rebellions are like seed; we must salt the earth before they have time to fester.” The order had disgusted him, and he had tried to argue, but in the end, there was no going around a direct order from Father.

All he had been thinking about for the last couple of days was getting to the Northern Fortress and spend a few days with Yumi. Nothing calmed him down and eased his guilty conscience like listening to her tell him about the latest book she read, or having her play the piano, or training with her. He needed this time now, and he hadn’t even stopped by Castle Krakenberg before heading north.

It was late afternoon when he arrived.

“Xander!” a familiar voice called as soon as he dismounted by the stables.

Looking towards the castle doors he saw a figure running over the courtyard, on bare feet as usual, and with a wide grin on her face. He barely had time to brace himself before she barreled into him and gave him a tight hug. He chuckled and hugged her back.

“Hi, Little Princess.”

She beamed up at him, “I didn’t know you’d be coming to visit.”

His stomach fluttered as he met her shining eyes, this was easily the best time of day to arrive. Compared to the days he arrived in the early morning for training and had to drag her out of bed and force her to the training grounds. Those times all he got for greeting was surly looks and mumbled insults.

“It was more of an impulse decision, so I didn’t have time to send a messenger ahead.”

“I’m not complaining,” she said and pulled away from him. His arms felt suddenly empty.

She began walking towards the doors, and he followed half a step behind. A strange feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach as he watched her hips swaying as she walked. Her hair danced over her back, only giving glimpses of the lowcut back of her tunic. As usual, all she was wearing under was a pair of sole-less stockings. It didn’t matter how many pairs of shoes she got, she refused to use them if it wasn’t freezing. Even then she was hard convinced and preferred to not go outside. He and Camilla had thought she would grow out of it, but it seemed they had been wrong. She was almost grown up now and still walked around barefoot.

It hit him with the force of a barreling horse, she wasn’t a child anymore. She hadn’t been for quite some time now, but he hadn’t noticed. With that insight came another, a much worse and uncomfortable insight. He’d stopped dead in his steps and stared at her back as she walked away. His throat closed up. Dread flowed like ice through his veins, a pain different from anything he’d felt before.

It all made sense now. His constant longing for her, how he had a hard time concentrating on anything if he hadn’t been to visit in a while. How she was always on his mind. He’d written it off as normal older brother worries.

His complete lack of interest in women. Written off as being busy with training and duties as crown prince.

How he wanted to do everything with her, train, eat, laugh, study, talk, and so on. Written off as guilt and sympathy for how she was locked up here. He wanted her to be free of the fortress and live with the rest of them.

Everything completely normal. Had it been Camilla, Leo or Elise who was locked in here he would be the same. Except now he saw with painful clarity that he wouldn’t. His feelings for Yumi was so far from what a brother should feel for his sister as it was possible to get. Not even close to his feelings towards Camilla or Elise. He loved them all the same, but in completely different ways.

His stomach churned and he felt sick. This couldn’t be happening.

“Xander…?” The soft voice pierced through the fog surrounding his brain. “Is something wrong?”

He met her eyes, narrowed with concern and her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. Swallowing hard he tried to push his thoughts away, locking them away far in the back of his mind where they would never again see the light of day.

“No,” he forced a smile, “nothing is wrong.”

She searched his eyes, “Are you certain?”

“It’s just… It has been a long week,” he said half-heartedly, avoiding her eyes, “what were you saying? I’m sorry I didn’t pay proper attention.”

For a few moments, she hesitated, biting his lower lip in a clear sign that she was thinking something over, “You know you can talk to me, right? If something is bothering you?”

“I know,” he said, knowing full well there was a load of subjects he would never discuss with her, “Thank you, Little Princess. But there is nothing bothering me.”

“Okay,” she conceded, “Let’s go inside, then.”

He followed, doing his best to pay attention as she told him about a bird, which she’d found the previous day. All the while thinking about what he would do with this newfound insight. How he would best bury it deep inside him and never let it grow worse than it was. Find a way to get over it.


	2. Yumi

Yumi was 18 years old when her entire world shattered around her. Everything she had thought she knew came into question. Every truth she had always taken for granted needed to be revised. She felt lost and alone in the world.

Her heart broke as she stood in the middle of eight people, forced to choose. Even so, there was only one choice she could make. She looked at the four royals from Hoshido, the ones saying they were related by blood. Tears threatened to spill down her cheeks as she met their eyes, a pleading fear mirrored back at her. But she couldn’t. Though she faltered for a second when she met Sakura’s eyes.

“We’re your family,” said Xander and reached out a hand to her from the back of his horse. She met his eyes and saw the glint of indescribable pain and fear, hidden behind his calm and stoic demeanor.

Tears trickled out of her eyes, she was unable to hold them back any longer and took the few steps to stand beside Xander’s horse.

“I’m sorry, Ryoma,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady, “but I can’t turn against the only family I’ve ever known.”

Everything that happened afterward blurred together and she couldn’t really remember how she ended up back in Camilla’s tent. Camilla, Leo, and Elise were there with her. Xander had stayed at the front lines, commanding their forces. Camilla promised he’d be back soon.

After cleaning up and changing clothes the four of them settled in the tent. It was a seemingly familiar routine for the siblings. Camilla’s tent held four cozy chairs with a table in between. Leo had curled up in one with a heavy book. Camilla in another, sitting with an embroidery but not touching it. Instead, she was carding her fingers through Yumi’s hair in a soothing gesture. Yumi sat huddled up in a blanket leaning against Camilla’s legs, needing the contact. Tears slid down her cheeks quietly for hours. Elise had begun in the third chair but had soon slipped down to the soft pelts on the floor and curled up beside Yumi.

It was like they were in a world of their own, muffled sounds from the surrounding camp found its way into them. But no one came to bother them, not after a guard got a vicious comment from Camilla to stay away. The longer the time went on though, the more anxious Yumi got. She knew it wasn’t strange that Xander wasn’t back yet, but her body didn’t care. She ached to see him, to hold him, to make sure he was there, and everything was okay.

It wasn’t until long after the sun had set that the sounds of the approaching soldiers reached them. Then hooves clattered on the muddy ground and someone dismounted heavily right outside the tent. Yumi didn’t need to see or hear anything more to know who it was.

When Xander burst into the tent moments later she was already up on her feet and halfway to him. She threw herself into his arms. Her legs gave way and they both sunk down on their knees on the tent floor, Xander clung to her like she would disappear any second if he eased up in the slightest. It wasn’t the most comfortable hug, considering he was still in full armor. But she couldn’t care less, burying her face into his neck and clutching at the cape on his back.

He smelled of dirt, blood, and sweat. But underneath was the scent that was unmistakably Xander, and she breathed it in in deep breaths. Her heart raced, and yet she felt calmer than she’d been the entire day.

Xander breathed a mumbled string, “Thank you, thank you, thank you…” into her neck and shoulder. The words got broken up by choked sobs. Her tears began to flow again, his voice sounded so small and broken, and she clung even harder to him.

She didn’t know for how long they sat there, but they didn’t break apart until Camilla crouched down beside them and laid a hand on Xander. Saying something about how he needed to get changed and that she would get food for them.

He eased up his grip on her and Yumi reluctantly let him. His eyes were trimmed red and he looked like he’d been through hell. She cupped his cheek and stroked it with her thumb, disregarding the grime covering his skin. He clenched his eyes shut and leaned into the touch. His own hands coming up to rest on either side of her neck.

He brought their foreheads together and whispered, “Thank you for coming back to me-… to us.”

“You’re my family,” she said in a trembling voice, “you’ll always be my family.”

“As you are ours, Little Princess,” he said with a weak smile and kissed her forehead quickly before standing up. “I will be back soon, be here when I come back.”

She looked up at him in a daze, “Always.”

Then he was gone.

The place where Xander’s lips had touched her skin felt like it was burning. An uncomfortable surging tingling in her hands made them twitch. It felt like something had been strung tight around her throat and she couldn’t get enough air down. She swallowed hard, trying to ease it up. Camilla dragged her up to her feet, wrapped her in a blanket again and sat her down in the chair Camilla had previously occupied. Thoughts raced in her head and everything around buzzed together.

When she was little, she had told everyone that would listen that she would marry Xander when she grew up. Up until Gunther had told her that siblings didn’t fall in love or got married. She could still remember the confused disappointment she’d felt. Since then she’d pushed down any thoughts on the matter and thought her feelings towards Xander were just adoration for her brother.

Of course, she adored and looked up to him. No one could compare with Xander. He was strong, brave, kind, intelligent and dependable. It wasn’t strange at all that she never felt as calm, happy and safe as she did when he was close.

But there had always been something special about Xander, like there was something special about their relationship. Like she was special to him. She had never been able to put her finger on it. Now it all came crashing down on her. They weren’t related, not by blood, and Xander had always known that. Xander had always known who she was.

The revelation that they weren’t related lifted a stone from her chest and she felt weightless. For a moment all the sorrow and confusion of her current situation dissipated. Warmth filled her chest and she couldn’t hold back a little smile. She was in love with Xander, finally, she could admit it to herself.

What it all meant, where she’d go from here and how she’d handle this, all that she would figure out another day. Today she would just enjoy this.


End file.
